Forgiveness is divine…
“Forgiveness is divine, but it hurts like the devil” Shakespeare
“This is just a dream” that’s what I kept repeating to myself when I got that text this morning. Two years ago, around this very same time, I lost my brother from another mother, Ishmael, and now you. It hurts so bad as your mother explained how things went down. You were such a careful fella, why did you allow yourself to do that? You should have thought twice about your actions my dude, it was foolish of you. I know I’ve made that mistake once or twice and got away with it, but I always knew it wasn’t safe for many reasons.
So as I sit back and think about on our friendship and the many years we have known each other and the fall out we had; this is one of the toughest pieces I’ve had to lay down; we never made peace and things shouldn’t have ended the way it did and I know our stubbornness played a major role in it, but why didn’t you tell me the truth? After all the years, all the things we went through, I thought I deserved to know. I hid nothing from you, at least not on purpose, and I felt betrayed by one of the two hommies I trusted with my life on the line. Now that you’re gone, I feel betrayed by own thoughts, my own standards and I don’t know how to get rid of this feeling.
See, here’s what I am fighting at this very moment; I’m not a forgiving person. I harbor secret grudges, nurse slights and check on old wounds to make sure they haven’t yet healed. I know it’s a terrible way to live. This is why I’m so awestruck by people who can forgive the unforgivable. Whether by instinct or through hard work, they know something the rest of us spend a lifetime trying to learn.
I wish I could go back in time but like Weezy said, “One life to live, never ask for a mulligan” yet maybe this time, dear Lord, it would surely come in handy, for I need you to forgive me for not forgiven him.
The good times I will hold on to; a lot of very good memories. We’ll see each other again bro. Say wassup to Ish…
I can forgive, but I cannot forget, is only another way of saying, I will not forgive. Forgiveness ought to be like a cancelled note – torn in two, and burned up, so that it never can be shown against one. ~Henry Ward Beecher