Here lies the final message that was exchanged:
There’s a pain deep within that I feel and it’s troubling me. I’ve never felt this pain before and it’s unfortunate I had to experience it at this stage of what I thought we had. I hope tonight will be the last time I listen to your old voice notes and attempt to appease the effect and the hurt. All I can honestly say is thank you.
This is as unpredictable it has ever been. My thoughts are twisted and broken yet so complex. It’s an unknown territory, indescribable, unpredictable, and fluid to the next burdened by the pressure, victim to its power. I have lost my perspective and although I wished this wasn’t our final hour yet tragedy, you’ve shown your misshapen face again.
Your love you have expressed in a multitude of ways, though I never believed it, I was intrigued by you. You claimed to be my friend, expressed how you wanted to be there in time of needs but once again you have left me clueless. I cannot change what has been nor can I decide what will become but holding on is so difficult. Knowing I’ve lost, instead of won.
Before your departure I had hoped history wouldn’t have repeated itself but it didn’t. Or maybe I was just blind to your clues. I tend to get so consume in my work that it’s so easy to lose focus, lose sight, to take the right move and keep up the fight.
The internal battle within the console of my mind has become unbearable. I’ve picked up the phone to hit you up for many reasons, no, for just one reason, an explanation, but that would be out of character. Why should I question your actions? You claimed to be in distress the first time so what would it be this time? I am not ready nor do I want to ever hear or read your clarification. At this point it wouldn’t suffice. A solution, oh please, that I’ll never find.
Why can’t I just quit it and stop tripping over what you did and just act as if everything is cool and compress my emotions. Maybe I should simply get myself fired and we both could go our separate ways and let the past be.
Wow, my feelings are all mixed up and stirred together and I just wish it could flow just a little bit better, to be brief and summarize all the pain that I know. Maybe the substance of my phrases is still held within to be revealed at the final hour.
Again, so intricate are the thoughts that I hold a fragile chaos indeed…