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Non-Black-Women | Mr. Prodg: New Chapter!


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As I perused through my friends list on FB, I was curious about a certain individual that I had never spoken to and so I clicked on her picture and started to read her page.  There was nothing attractive about this individual except that her ways of thinking (from reading her notes, status updates) had me wondering about her and her friends.  For example, where did they go to school, the neighborhood they grew up in, and what kind of guys they have dated etc?  There was a particular topic on her page that discussed the all guys getaway that black men don’t want you to know about. It’s got something to do with the fact that some black men go to places like Brazil for sex. What irked me is that the title of that note, which is the same title in Essence magazine, simply generalizes about black men. Often, and especially when I am online, I come across conversations or topics of that nature, initiated by black women. It ranges from black men aren’t romantic, black men don’t know how to treat a woman, black men cheat, to black men are not worth the trouble. I hear or read things like that by black women often.

Most black women get upset when they see hardworking productive black men dating outside the race. I know many such men black men, who are also good natured who prefer to date outside the race. At first I didn’t understand when they’d explain it to me, but today I’ve understood it fully. Most of those brothers have said that they date outside the race because non-black women don’t expect the worst of them; they go into the relationship expecting the black man to treat them well. They aren’t like most black women who find it difficult to trust because they didn’t grow up with a man in the house and so they carry some of their mother’s bitterness with them. A brother is deemed guilty until proven innocent. The brothers who date outside the race have told me that because good things are expected of them by these non-black women, they make sure they deliver. They want to marry women who come from cultures in which men are regarded as providers, in which men are not expected to always cheat, to be abusive etcetera. I finally understand these brothers. At first I thought they were taking the easy way out by running away from black women. Now I understand that they are simply tired of the constant male bashing by most black women. They’d just rather not be with women who’d regard it as natural if they were to fail them.

At this point in time I don’t think I’d date outside the race but I grew up doing it; I love all kind of race and if that individual brings me joy and feels the same way about me then I will fully commit to that person. It’s exasperating, always being regarded by the majority of black women as “bad” and as a “cheat” simply because you are a brother. We don’t deserve that. After all, it can easily be argued that the majority of black women are gold diggers on the basis that a lot of them only date a man on their level (financially) or above them. I’m just tired of the antagonism. I need a break from it.


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  • Tamie

    We find that a lot. Many people expect others to fill the void someone else left in their lives. I agree with you 100%. You find that a woman who did not grow up with a father, or that father was abusive, carry that bitterness. You cannot blame them though, they have developed that defense mechanism, they put a wall around them and expect the worst. Many times when you have too high of an expectation and it is not met, you end up being disappointed. However, whilst you expect the worst and the best happens, you just feel grateful.

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  • haitianqueen

    Morning Blake, a good read this morning. What i can say is that women do have a predisposed judgement on men as that is what we see, hear from friends and know these kinds of men. Myself I have met my share of men of all races some good and some very very bad but i realized i didnt just want a man i wanted a GOOD MAN. As you wrote men date outside their race because the women they meet dont expect the worse, but no matter what race there will always be the cheaters, abusers and liars. Everything takes time and finding that right PERSON is def one of those things that should not be rushed.

  • SM

    Blake, I agree with most of what you said EXCEPT that in your own way you just did what you accused Black women of doing and that is generalizing. My dating policy, since my college days, has been “I don’t discriminate” and I really don’t I’ve always made dating decisions based on who I vibed with and have never taken offense if men of my race do the same.

    What I think most Black women take offense to is when a Black man says that they won’t date Black women at all because then it’s not based on who you vibe with, it’s just generalizing, dismissing and discriminating against an entire race of women. And just to play the devil’s advocate: out of the men of different races I’ve dated, Black men have been BY FAR the most judgmental. So the fingers can point both ways.

    I think the most important lesson to take from this and from other races is that we must be more tolerant, understanding, accepting of each other and really draw out the FUN part of love. I feel that gets easier to do as we get older and learn to seek out the true love and not the drama. Sometimes we don’t have to seek it out, it just happens or patiently waits to come to us. And while everyone will continue to make mistakes and have disagreements because that is human nature, we all have the power to minimize the negative and focus on the positive to draw the most put of a relationship.

  • Shelakh

    While I can def see where ur coming from on this one, I don’t feel like its fair to basivally group all black women together jus cuz a few are a mess. I was raised with a lot of great stong loyal black men including my father so there’s jus certain things that women do or put themselves thru that I personally can’t understand. Also, whether ur black or otherwise female or male,it is human nature that we feel that we’ve been lied to or hurt we act out. Whether its revenge or trying to get attention or looking for love in all the wrong places. I thnk its important that we first realize certain things we do or say or think are not normal. There’s a problem and then the healing can begin. Good read.


    I am married to a black man and also grew up without a father in the home. I didn’t feel that way about my husband but I did have expectations of him once we were married. Although I love black men if I were a white women I wouldn’t date a black man who needs the extra drama. Frankly, I don’t care when I see another white women with a black man but I find that they will look at me directly to see if I see them. Like see here we are look. Who care. I just ignore them. I got mine now you get yours.

  • lynnaima

    They say “white is right”. Instead of addressing a chorus of misdeeds within our own community, it is sad that some black males would prefer to support the notion that white is right and discard the black women who have been there for them through thick and thin. Sad state as most black males prefer not to own up to responsibility and be held accountable for their hurtful behaviors or those of the “black brotherhood”. As a race, we lost ourselves and prefer to seek “goodness/redemption” elsewhere other than from within, in the arms of “white women”.

    Do most of you rrealize that membership to hate groups increased more than 200% after Obama won the presidency, reportedly? Just yesterday, a patient of mine totally discarded my treatment because I am black and yes she told my white secretary that “you know how these people don’t know much”. My goodness, we really have not come that far you know. I stayed away from this topic up to yesterday where I felt compelled to put my 2cents.

    On another thought, maybe the future mixed “breeds” will water away our blackness so much that there would not be that much of “us” left in the world, self hate, lack of self acceptance and pride, eschewing responsibility, weaknesses of the flesh (black males phhht), the underlying demise of our race, sadly!

    I wonder if most black males sit and think why most white males will not date black women!!! Who caused that? Who gave the black women such a negative reputation why most consider us domineering, avenging, angry and bitter women!!! Why most white males do not see themselves caressing a black woman’s flesh, loving her hair, drink from her pouty lips!! Do you guys ever wonder why the black females are the least wanted women in the world!!! NOT EVEN ASIAN MALES whom statistics say are the least wanted males in the world want to be with a black woman!! My goodness! Can our brothers start to use their heads, the big one, the one with the brain to just THINK, THINK, THINK and start to cherish YOUR HOME, YOUR WOMB!!!!Do you black males really think that black women are that bad and that it is ALL ON OUR OWN that we have caused the world to view us so poorly!!! REALLY!!! REALLY!!!!

    Geez!!! yes indeed, white is right, thank you my brothers!

    *********A general statement to a very hurtful topic*******

  • 網路行銷

    First of all, great looking site you have here and great post too. I would like to keep up with your posts but having problem subscribing to your rss.

  • locs

    I like what I like and never have I nor will I allow anyone dictate me in matters of the heart. People need to realize that people are people and that’s that!

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