As I perused through my friends list on FB, I was curious about a certain individual that I had never spoken to and so I clicked on her picture and started to read her page. There was nothing attractive about this individual except that her ways of thinking (from reading her notes, status updates) had me wondering about her and her friends. For example, where did they go to school, the neighborhood they grew up in, and what kind of guys they have dated etc? There was a particular topic on her page that discussed the all guys getaway that black men don’t want you to know about. It’s got something to do with the fact that some black men go to places like Brazil for sex. What irked me is that the title of that note, which is the same title in Essence magazine, simply generalizes about black men. Often, and especially when I am online, I come across conversations or topics of that nature, initiated by black women. It ranges from black men aren’t romantic, black men don’t know how to treat a woman, black men cheat, to black men are not worth the trouble. I hear or read things like that by black women often.
Most black women get upset when they see hardworking productive black men dating outside the race. I know many such men black men, who are also good natured who prefer to date outside the race. At first I didn’t understand when they’d explain it to me, but today I’ve understood it fully. Most of those brothers have said that they date outside the race because non-black women don’t expect the worst of them; they go into the relationship expecting the black man to treat them well. They aren’t like most black women who find it difficult to trust because they didn’t grow up with a man in the house and so they carry some of their mother’s bitterness with them. A brother is deemed guilty until proven innocent. The brothers who date outside the race have told me that because good things are expected of them by these non-black women, they make sure they deliver. They want to marry women who come from cultures in which men are regarded as providers, in which men are not expected to always cheat, to be abusive etcetera. I finally understand these brothers. At first I thought they were taking the easy way out by running away from black women. Now I understand that they are simply tired of the constant male bashing by most black women. They’d just rather not be with women who’d regard it as natural if they were to fail them.
At this point in time I don’t think I’d date outside the race but I grew up doing it; I love all kind of race and if that individual brings me joy and feels the same way about me then I will fully commit to that person. It’s exasperating, always being regarded by the majority of black women as “bad” and as a “cheat” simply because you are a brother. We don’t deserve that. After all, it can easily be argued that the majority of black women are gold diggers on the basis that a lot of them only date a man on their level (financially) or above them. I’m just tired of the antagonism. I need a break from it.