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Our Father | Mr. Prodg: New Chapter!

Our Father

Our Father
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In my daily travels I get to meet a lot of people; and when we begin to talk about our family and our upbringing, it always hit a nerve when a certain young lady would talk about being raped by a stepfather or a young lady who has never met the man who fathered her.  All I know is that we kiss our fathers because they make us feel safe. They leave their fingerprints on our five dollar bills for those just in case moments, when they are too far to pull out their wallets and come to our rescue.  We hide behind their shadows because somehow it’s safe there; the boogie man can’t get us. Clinging to their pant legs like imperishable fortress needing to be protected from even the slightest wind removing us from this safe space.

So you can imagine when he leaves, or when he never was there, lost in the sea of faces roaring from jump shots, scoring goals, or smiling with conceit at violin recitals. We listen to our mothers recite memorized excuses, imploring us to suppress our anger, as if those one day visits, and our weekly—sometimes monthly trips to the candy store can make up for the uncrossed t’s and conspicuous voids we juggle in our heads.

“I want to be like my daddy, when I grow up.” he says.

Not because he sees him or knows where he works, or how he lives. He just wants his strength, because it has to take a strong man to be away from him and his family this long.

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39 Comments

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  • ZoeGeneral
    on

    I’m feelin this once cuzzoe

    • Mr. Prodg
      on

      no doubt fam…have u or someone you know been in that situation?

  • ZoeGeneral
    on

    Mine got divorced when I was real young but pops always stayed in my life till this day but I know a few ppl that are in the same situation. Any fail relationship, they just blame it on their pops absence

    • Mr. Prodg
      on

      i feel u on that…Thats what i used as a source to put this piece together. I have seen way too many of these women blaming their absent father for their mishaps. While i cannot blame them for feeling the way that they do yet we are responsible for our actions at the end of the day.

  • HaitianQueen
    on

    I really like this one Prodg, I could never understand how a father can walk away and not think about the impact he has on his children and family.

    • Nana14
      on

      @HaitianQueen, Men think logic not sentiment, a man can walk away from a screaming baby but a woman could never cuz they dont have the same bond. men are selfish and always put themselves first.fact!

      This is a well written piece Prodg with decent points. it is a shame when a father does not live up to his parental responsabilities and there are somany families out there these days who are growing up in a one parent family. it is sad indeed for the children who dont know their dads cuz when fathers are absent, children suffer and fatherlessness can link to anything negative such as, drug use, crime poverty etc.. i must say that im one the fortunate ones,ive a wonderful father who been there for me since i wuz born, and he wuz very committed to his family. he played a very important role in my life, him and i had a very positive and nurturing relationship,and he also built my self-esteem,self-worth and self-confidence. and now that he’s no longer here with me, i keep thanking God for had given me such a great dad, his death has impacted me like nothing else but it has also changed me as a person.i believe it’s for the better though..ive grown so much and became stronger. i appreciate so much more in life and i dont take as many things for granted. i must say my loss made me who i am today and whom im about to become.

  • HaitianQueen
    on

    But you have to realize alot of women who do not see positive role models as their fathers will always have a lacking of what men should be and how they should treat women and there families.

    • Mr. Prodg
      on

      I definitely understand that

  • jamie
    on

    This piece is really good. When this happens its like a never ending cycle. Some guys dont know how to be a man bc their father wasn’t there, so they then turn to be the same way( not all). Some women, loses or doesn’t know their worth, because they didn’t have their daddy to tell them how beautiful and wonderfully made their were…so they in tern allow anything to happen to them. The cycle just continues and continues. I still believe what prodg said. even in unfortunate circumstances, we are responsible in the end for our actions and behaviors. and how to use this in the positive light.

  • Nem
    on

    This hits home. I do not have that father daughter relationship with my dad. I can only pray that the same tragic situation will not continue in my daughter’s life. How ever way a child is born it deserves the love and support of both parents…

  • Nem
    on

    I can understand if some people blame their “mishaps” on not haviing a dad around, a father shows/teaches you stength, confidence, love, etc… Unless you have a substitute to give/share those things your life can be harder than it should. If you have not experienced the absence of a father/parent, it’s not easy for you to see that the other person that has experienced that kind of trauma is always consumed with thoughts and a longing for that father/parent, always. This comsumption can cause so many issues…
    To help in healing and moving on, the truth about a father’s absence should not be kept from the child, they should be granted the opportunity to be angry and vent, and, be allow to close that chapter forever if they so wish.

    • Mr. Prodg
      on

      I agree Nem.

  • krakrakra
    on

    Wow! Unfortunate to hear others talked about never met their dad, were raped by stepfather or never had one to begin with. I am very happy and grateful to have a dad like mine. I grow up with him at home with mommy. He teaches me everything I needed to know about classical music, cliff notes, life, military experiences, life experiences and also be there when I am shadowed by life’s circumstances. He calls often, he cooks just to have me stop by often(lol) he washes my dirty clothes, clean my room and car and still given me money. Mine you, I live alone and an hour away from him. I love my dad and I love him dearly. He had mwe going to bed crying because he said he will be dying soon, true, he will but I don’t want to think about it and I definitely don’t know what I will do without him. Okay, I will stop ramping now. Lol

    • Mr. Prodg
      on

      That’s what its all about though…having that individual there for you. And I think a lot of ppl miss out on that bc their mom and dad couldn’t work things out.

  • Drachoim
    on

    My father did his role as the financier of the home but nothing more.

    • Mr. Prodg
      on

      what do make of that?

  • Drachoim
    on

    It’s not as though it’s an on going thought in my head, it’s simply a fact. I believe it groomed me to be who I am. I get most of the emotional stuff from my mom, no matter how distorted it may be.

    • Mr. Prodg
      on

      I can understand that..btw, welcome to my blog and thanks for commenting.

  • Drachoim
    on

    Thanks for the welcome.

    • Mr. Prodg
      on

      Please check out some of the rated entries and drop a thought…

  • Drachoim
    on

    I will.

  • Bijoux
    on

    Sad reality….I am expecting this cycle to be broken, especially in the black community. It will only stop when the women decide its enough. you cant force a man to take care of his seed, but you can protect yourself and not get impregnanted by a non-responsible man.

    • Mr. Prodg
      on

      thats real talk Bijoux. The women sleeping with these dudes have to put a stop to it.

  • Nem
    on

    @drachoim, you touched on something.
    The mothers are left with giving double the love, and yes it is sometimes “disorted”… What most people can’t see is that they (the mothes) are also feeling the same way we are, rejected, confused that humans can act so reckliessly, etc…

  • HaitianQueen
    on

    Prodg you can’t say the women need to stop sleeping with these dudes. These so call MEN dont have signs on them to say I am not baby daddy material, I am not a good provider, I AM NOT A GOOD MAN to have in ur life. We as women meet men and its all a chance as to what we wil get.

    • Mr. Prodg
      on

      you have a point there Queen but it takes dos to tango

  • HaitianQueen
    on

    But if we r looking for a man, father, husband, best friend, lover etc it about taking the time and not just settle for the sake of not being alone. We want our young men and women to have positive role models and that does start from home. But we r not always lucky and Mothers will take on both roles.

  • Serendipity7
    on

    You always seem to amaze me with what you may write about next…GREAT post! But I must say I was very adamant about responding to this post because my feelings are a bit indifferent. I will refrain from getting too personal, but I sometimes wish that I was that girl who never met her father or probably who wished my father was the “father figure” you mentioned in your post. My parent’s lived a married life which later would destroy me emotionally. As parents, particularly mothers, we try to protect our kids from harm. My mother mean of protecting would later cause me harm. You see I remember growing up at the age of 7 and their marriage was going downfall. My mother being the protective mother that she is said that she would never leave my dad because she wanted us to be raised with him and not a stepfather that would probably violate us. But the truth of the matter is I wish she did leave. As I grew up, I wanted that father that I could run up to and sit on his lap and just bond with, just how daughters and fathers should. I wanted that father at the age of 15 who would come to watch me play my musical instrument at my recital. As I became a young adult, I wanted that father who would run the “bad boyfriends” away or even show a little interest in the young gentlemen I was dating at that time. But you see I didn’t have that father. My mother played the role of both my mother and father. I now catch myself praying to God asking Him for a man who is NOT like my father. I love my mother dearly, but I just wished that day when I was about 7 years old she did leave him and not try to protect us. I won’t play the blame game, but I will use my life experience to make me a better person and a better wife and mother when God bless me with them both. For those who have that great father figure in their life, embrace it, cherish it because ther’s someone out htere who wished they could experience that just for one day. Thank you MrProdg for this post :)

    • Mr. Prodg
      on

      Serendipity
      maybe your mother, wanting you to have a better future, felt that she had to stay with your dad. Maybe she felt like that was the best way to help you get to where you are at today…it’s so easy to look back and reflect on that day when you were 7, but maybe for her, she wasn’t ready to give up on him, to give up on a family that she could have potentially lost because of the divorce/separation.

  • SM
    on

    I really appreciate this piece because so many times we hear about the bad fathers out there while the great ones are not spoken about nearly enough. This entry highlights both sides and makes me even more grateful for my father who makes it his mission to nurture our relationship so that as the years go by we become even closer. I will re-read this again later and add remarks that stem directly from certain lines.

  • Drachoim
    on

    I’m not saying that there aren’t rare instances where people aren’t completely blindside by their significant others’ behavior but at the end of the day it’s evident that people simply aren’t taking the time to scrutinize the subtle yet obvious signs that their significant other is exhibiting. For some odd reason, we don’t like to face the obvious. It appears that we are intent on wanting to change others rather than face the truth. I’m not quite sure why that is, maybe it’s simply human nature, but whatever the reason may be this is one of the leading causes for heart aches, our disappointments, and so forth.

  • Emann Joasil
    on

    Very interesting piece! You went deep on us, bro. I will come back later for a more elaborated comment.

  • Mr. Prodg
    on

    I have 4 sisters and i love them all dearly. I would do anything for them but the 2 that are dearest to me are the 2 little ones. Emma and Erminah, 3 and 7 respectively. I am just happy that they get to have my dad around because i am so far away from CT and i know they’re going to need some guidance. And prayerfully i will be able to help from far away but these two little girls will get a chance to have my pops help guide and lead them. I know he wont always be easy on them and i know he wont always meet their demands but at least i know he will be there. I have faith in him. This piece is for my little sis whom i love dearly…

  • lynn
    on

    I never want a husband who is just like my dad simply as that. every man who is reading this piece, my advice to you is to be a good father to your child so they don’t feel like i am feeling right now when they grow up

  • Marie-Yves
    on

    This post definitely hits home with me, great post.

  • Katt
    on

    To say that men don’t come with signs which hint whether or not they are responsible or father material is simply half-truth to me. His relationships with you and others should be a clear indicator of his character.

    I’m sorry but women for the most part tend to be naive and way to emotional to notice the hard truth about their men. Loving someone also means to aknowledge that with which you may be unpleased with, but can embrace the reality of the situation as well without any perfumed excuses. You can only be blinksided for so long!

    I dated this guy a while ago. He had this beautiful white dog with the most piercecingly beautiful eyes. I can’t remember which breed. Anyways, he loved taking his dogs to the park, for a walk, or anywhere there was a crowd. Now to most, it would appear as though he loves the beautiful creature beyond measures by his doings. Unless you got closed to him, you wouldn’t know if was all for show, for attention, a magnetic strategy. At home, he would neglect the destitute canine: completely different from the “in public” shower of love. Now, I, being the girlfriend spectator, I use to tell myself that I could never choose to have him fathered my child. Heck, I’d tell it to his face too whenever the subject popped.

    Eleven years later today, as his son is celebrating his 11th birthday, the man is probably one of the greatest fathers I’ve met. Was I wrong back then? Nope! Because he was as careless about this dog as a dead mouse whenever there weren’t a set of eyes around. Perhaps he grew up.

    The point of this story which might have bored most is the following: If you pay close attention to your significant other, then there is much you can learn about him or her which includes whether or not the person is parent material too…

    • Drachoim
      on

      @ Katt
      VOILA!!! That’s what I’ve been saying all along…very well put.

  • lynnaima
    on

    ” He just wants his strength, because it has to take a strong man to be away from him and his family this long.”
    strength???? wow!!! how about uncaring, heartless, selfishness? strength? wow!!!

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