This piece was written a few years ago and while I would have loved to include it in the book, it won’t make the cut. Just thought I would share it with you, my readers.
I wrote this piece with you in mind and though it has been ages since we both went our separate ways, just know that it’s all love…I do check the clippings, the YouTube videos and even checked out the series on lifetime. You’re good at what you do…thanks for the shout-out (I think it was for me) LMAO
It’s 3AM and I am just now getting in from a night out by myself. I needed to be alone just to get away from everything. I needed to just vibe to some music, sip on some cognac, and see different faces. So I am sitting in the car, I have to put this piece together before I go in because I know I will fall asleep. The light was making it difficult for my heart to write so this was written in the dark on the Blackberry.
Loving a woman has become more important than loving myself and I am feeling blind, dumb and weak and I don’t say this for you to pity me, it’s simply my reality. And the time has come for me to embark on my natural journey; this time there will be no explanations, no arguments, and no long talks pouring out my heart. I feel like it’s time to re-invent the re-invented, a brand new me where there’s no recognition of the pain I feel, no tears just death, I want that part gone and she can keep that piece of me.
I’ve loved this way before; I’ve fled this way before, leaving behind pieces of my sanity, and pieces of my spirit. I am feeling free to try love whole-heartedly, I am ready to forget loving a woman, this time I’m talking about loving me because I hate what they see when they look at me. I don’t want them to see that emotionally I am weak and I can’t speak. The pain that I feel is bigger than me, running into that brick wall again because my desire to be love blinds me running away with only pieces of me because my desire to be loved renders me incapable of speech.
It’s so difficult to say why you’re hurting me because I am calm when I see you, whether its when you’re parading yourself during your fashion shows, or running around with all kind of celebrities from different countries, I am fine with all that. Even seeing that nasty film you made with her, I am cool with all of that. But I guess emotionally and mentally it has taken its toll and I’m running so fast that even an Olympic gold medalist can’t keep up with me.
Run B, run, it comes so naturally to me…Run B, run, don’t let them ever see you weak. Run B, run, if only you could run away with me…